I found out why aliens abduct cows

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Can’t believe I forgot to do a shot of my cowbell

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Alien Love Lyrics

Humans don’t cause climate change
It’s aliens disguised as farmers on a cattle range
We rear more cows than earth can sustain
‘Cos aliens need cows to watch them when they procreate

We rear them to abduct them, it’s just always been this way
We don’t ask why you drink their milk or have to worship steak
We know we’ll destroy this world, raising cows this way
But aliens need cows to watch them when they procreate

But one day my favourite cow entered me
Entered my mind by telepathy
And he said

Could you make robocows that don’t release methane?
And how ‘bout VR emulations of a cow’s gaze?
Then he mind moo’d a thought that would never leave my brain
Do aliens need cows to watch them when they procreate?

Why can’t aliens just make alien love?
We are staring down the barrel of our own ray guns

So I tried using cows a little less everyday
When you find aliens you love, you leave the cows to graze
There is no better planet in this sector of space
So let’s just probe some humans and give the cows a break

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